Peruvian Death Cold (tm)

I would like to get rid of this nasty cold. I think I might have enough of a voice for my interview today. I've spent a good portion of today hacking.

I'm hoping this cold has a quick and painless demise.

I Had a Dream One Night...

I remember back when I was a kid. There was always one night that I would await every year. it used to be in March. recently they moved it to the 4th Sunday in February. I've always had dreams of winning an Oscar. I always wanted to go up there and accept the award as best actress.

As I grew up, I realized that I wasn't comfortable speaking in front of crowds. I shifted my passion elsewhere. I still have the dream to be the first female director to win best director. I also would love to have my writing acknowledged.

Every year I tune in with the same dreams that I had when I was young. To be up there and not knowing what to say. Coming up with a list of people that have made a major impact on me. Each year I feel a little more defeated.

A part of me regrets giving up my film major. Maybe regret isn't the write word. Wish. I wish I had gotten in to UCLA. I wish I had made the second deadline for USC (especially considering they really wanted me for their writing program). But all this wishing isn't going to change the reality.

It also lights the fire in me to get writing again. I re-ignites the passion I have for screenwriting and film in general. Usually it's a generalized feeling that I have. This year I've already started formulating the story. I have a character background that I wrote a couple of years ago. The more I thought about it last night, the more I formulated what it was I wanted to write and where I wanted to go with it.

Now comes the part of writing that I'm not normally as enthused about. The bare bones construction. Making notes about where I see it going. Coming up with supporting characters. Fleshing out the supporting and main characters. And then the part I love more then anything, writing the actual screenplay.

One of these years I'll be the one up on that stage and accepting that award. That's the mantra I need to tell myself. (Right?)

A Mellow Day

Today was a much needed mellow day after yesterday. I had time to do some Wii Fit and send out more resumes.

After yesterday I feel a bit less confident about finding a job. I'm not going to let that get to me. I'm going to work as hard as I have, if not harder. I realize that it's not likely that I'll find something in this economy, but I'm going to try.

This Day... Too Long

Seriously.

I had 2 job interviews today. Normally, that's not a bad thing. I don't get many in person interviews. So, I'm definitely happy with what I get.

The interview I went to didn't give me much information about the location. They didn't give me a company name or office number. So, I was late because they gave me incomplete information. I had a short PowerPoint test (which was pretty basic really). But the interview was rude and came off almost as hostile. It was an uncomfortable for an interview. And, if this is how they handle interviews, then I'm not entirely sure I want to work in that kind of environment.

I had an interview in San Francisco. I show up with plenty of time to kill. I wound up walking 2 miles in 3 inch heels. I waited 2.5 hours for the interview... only for the woman to not show up. I think she might have been confused when the interview was. Honestly, that's fine. But it kinda put the icing on the already not so fab day I was having.

At least I'm home now under a blanket with the heater on. I was pretty cold when my SO picked me up... so much so I was shivering. My feet are pretty sore as well as my knee. However, I did get a good lunch and some tasty sangria. So, that was good. And I'm nice and cozy now. That is also a plus.

Productive and Tired

I've gotten a lot done today.

Got more resumes out, did some Wii Fit. I lost 1.5 lbs in the past 2 days. Not too shabby. I'm getting close to my goal slowly. This time I'm doing it without starving myself. So, I do feel a bit accomplished on that front.

I'm trying to remain optimistic on the work front. It's hard as every month goes by... but hope spring eternal right? And something feels like it's going to come through.

Other then that... Well, the roommate's coming home from her vacation (or rather, I should say, our vacation from her). In the time that she's been gone, we've been able to clean everything up. She sleeps most of the day and expects us to keep as quite as possible. So, I'm glad that we could finally clean up.

Other then that... I'm going to take some time to finish the first novella in Night Watch and relax for the rest of the afternoon.

I also feel accomplished because I managed to successfully make some Jumbalaya that's low fat and tasty.^-^ It's been a pretty productive week.

Ever Have One of Those Days...

You know, the kind of day that makes you want to cut off contact from everybody.

Yeah, I'm having one of those days.

Weird Dreams

Every now and then I get some really bizarre and disturbing dreams. They're not necessarily nightmares... They're just off somehow.

I once had one that was about a nuclear bomb going off. It had to do with me being strong enough to survive and thrive from that situation.

I had another one last night. This time it wasn't cut into non-sensible bits.

This time it was one long dream. I was at Death Guild (since I like going dancing there every Monday). For some reason (a reason that I can't even begin to understand) it was being held on a tall ship. There was a lot of people there. All dancing. I was hanging out with some friends who happened to be vending that night.

An ex-BF of mine (the most abusive of my BFs) walked in. He looked like he was looking for someone and wasn't going to stop until they found them. I mean, he used any means necessary to get to them, including beating up people to get information and threatening to kill them. It turns out that he was looking for me. After a while of me dancing. I went back to sitting down with my friends. He came up to me trying to play all coy. He acted like he was trying to act nice so I would get back together with him. he even pointed out that he had a nail in his shoe. I told him he should take it out. But anything more then that I wasn't willing to give him. At one point he got so angry with me that he threatened to kill every one in the club.

Then I got a flash of everyone lying down on the deck of the ship. He has a hold of me and won't let go. I have one arm free so I can grab a near by rope (my life line as it were). I felt as though he was going to kill me because I chose to get out of that situation. That he would be willing to beat me with in an inch of my life. I took the rope and looped it around his neck and pulled. I kept pulling until he fell to the deck himself. And I was crying.

I'm curious as to what this dream is about.

I know that if he and I share any friends, he typically slanders me until the other person wants nothing to do with me. Luckily he doesn't know many of my friends. He's still angry that I left. But I had to. It was after 3 years of him belittling me and verbally abusing me that I decided I had to leave. What I wanted in a relationship he wasn't giving me.

Even after leaving him, he still tried to get back together with me... Even to the point that he would talk shit about me to friends. He's still doing it to this very day.

*shrugs* I still have no idea what the significance of this dream is.

Man, do I have some weird dreams.