There are very few things that touch a raw nerve in me. But remembering things that I went through sometimes takes the wind out of my sails.
Watching someone trying to kick and fail heroin hits me hard.
I've had a hard childhood. I don't know if I would say that it was more difficult then most. I was abused both physically and emotionally for 16 years. I was raped twice. I also had abusive relationships up until I said I had enough of the bull and the drama in 2004. In the whole scheme of things, I've come a long way. I should have either been a convict or a drug addict.
And I had seriously thought about it while I was in high school. It was just after I was raped the first time. I had thought about actually doing heroin. I did all the research (since I'm a research nut). I knew all of hte risks of doing heroin. And while I could have gotten it pretty easily... I decided to tell the person offering me it no.
But then I started watching Celebrity Rehab. I know people who do a gross amount of drugs (namely MDMA). And while they won't admit that they have problems, they do. And probably problems they should see a counselor or therapist about.
But I digress.
The last season of Celebrity Rehab featured a guy named Steven Adler. He was the drummer for Guns N Roses for "Appetite for Destruction" and "Lies". He was kicked out of the band for drug and alcohol abuse. He had a serious drug problem. He hadn't a day sober since he was 11 years old. He had serious problems with his family. Something that I can empathize with deeply. He was sober for a month.
Then they decided to show what happens after rehab. Hence the show Sober House. It's to show the next step after rehab. And Steven shows up high... back on heroin. And I flash back to when I was in high school. And it brings tears to my eyes. It's hard for me to watch it. Namely because I was very cloe to being that person myself. Except, I probably would be dead by now. There's a lot of psychology behind it. I'll get to it another night.
I just feel as though I need to write through this.
To this day, given my background and personal history, almost everyone I know says that I'm lucky that I'm as well adjusted as I am.
I think I might write more on this tomorrow.
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I didn't watch the second series of Celebrity Rehab, though I watched the first one faithfully. I felt that ultimately it exploited some people that really need less time being a celebrity and more time discovering and taking care of themselves.
ReplyDeleteDrugs/alcohol make every problem worse. You did the right thing by not traveling down the path. I could have easily been an alcoholic if I didn't change my ways, but I thought I had to be numb to survive the pain I felt inside.
When I finally decided to stop drinking, I noticed the pain was still there. Drinking was a big, stupid waste of time. I made a conscious decision that whatever I felt inside, I just was going to keep moving forward in a positive direction. I have only this one life and I want to enjoy it.
"I felt that ultimately it exploited some people that really need less time being a celebrity and more time discovering and taking care of themselves."
ReplyDeleteI think that they needed to get to the root issue more and do some deep digging to look for the root cause of the addiction. I'm willing to temper the fact that it's only 30 days which is nowhere near the amount of time needed to truly delve and give people the revelation they need. So, I think in many ways that's where the rehab system falls short. Addiction is a multi-facted problem.
It was hard to not go down that path. I have severe issues with abuse. And the easy way out would be to give in to drugs and alcohol. But you're right, drugs and alcohol only cover the problem. Once you come back down, you still have the problem. So, long-term therapy is really beneficial. Of course, this is with more severe issues like my parent was a drug abuser, physical/emotional/sexual abuse and so on.
I like the mindset you have. It's true, you only have one life to live. So, make the most out of it. ^-^ I have a lot of friends who are into the party scene (part and parcel of being in the Burning Man community). And I've seen a lot of people loose themselves in drugs where they should have spoken with a counselor and dealt with the hard, nitty gritty issues at hand. It's easier to subliminate then to deal.*shrugs* I don't know if I even understand the mentality...